Here we go…

so here we are, reclining on my train seat, I’m gazing outside the train window, Lush greens, old-looking factories, run-down automobile dealerships stare back at me in passing. The tunes of my favourite show, ‘The Voice’ is playing on youtube…I promised myself that this train ride would be one significant one: an intentional time to rest, write, sleep, think, wonder, reflect….

In reflection, the past few months have been an eclectic mix of feelings and experiences. Craziness, mainly because of the really funny and silly times with my students. Favour, because of connections and good reviews from my students (which got me a 10% raise!). Even more importantly,,,hahahah, I found two really cool dresses at amazing prices from my favourite store (Ahhhhh, I love J.Crew!!!) just before setting off for the wedding!

And of course, that’s only one side of the picture,, the full picture (of life) also includes disappointments and discouragement.

I beg your pardon,
I didn’t promise you a rose garden,
along with the sunshine,
there’s gotta be some rain (sometimes) – Shad “Rose Garden” 

I guess the first part involves a guy a very interesting and intense kind of guy. I was surprised at myself when I realized that I actually had feelings for him, definitely not the type I’d ever imagine to like, just because he’s so different: highly emotional and sensitive, and (but?) also the opposite of my ex. But actually, I realized it’s not so much about his personality or appearance per se that got me,,,I think it was those really fun moments we shared: from fighting over directions in the car to eating late night fried chicken to his messages of emotional crisis. I guess I experienced those times as moments of intimacy.
And alas, when he announces a new girlfriend a few weeks later, you’re left to wonder, slight confusion, and undeniable disappointment.
Disappointment comes not in the lack of a potential bf, but mostly in the lack of those shared moments of intimacy again.

But life goes on and I’m not mad, because he’s too dear of a brother to hold a grudge against. Though I am thankful that I know how to handle this kind of situation, having gone through this before: Don’t need to ponder and question the why, when, how, but just move on an keep my eyes forward to the next thing.
***

And I think about how good God is- His timing of this vacation/ reunion/ wedding trip. I’m leaving Toronto with a huge grin on my face. Seriously such an amazing trip. The friendships, the independence, the conversations and prayers, the touristy excitement, the crazy good food joints, the amazing hospitality,,,man, I’m like how did I deserve such a great trip? I definitely did not plan all this fun. Ahhhhhh!

I just have a huge sense of gladness in my heart. From the conversations with my close friends, I know there’s such a confidence in my heart from knowing I am so loved and that He’s working in a tremendous way in my life. I feel glad for this peace in my heart, knowing that I’m walking in the right path. And with this peace comes rest.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that is set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?”

Hebrews 12:1-4

“This Wind”

“This Wind”

This Wind blows where it pleases,
You hear its sound,
and I’m told it never ceases.
It blows to and fro,
sorta like a constant glow, that

is entangled in our human affairs,
showing its care,
for each and every fibre of our being,
His eye is all-seeing
He upholds us and tells us we’re not lowly

but rather, we’re high and mighty:
a mighty men of valour,
a children painted with colour,
a life full of flavour,
an abundant life in the Creator

for this is what He has in store,
when we are desperate enough to
cry out for more,
reach into His heavenly storehouses,
climb on the wings of the Eagle and soar

Ahhh love this song

rhino

I decided that this is perfect as a life motto when someone shared this with me.

rhino: thick skin; big heart. 

thick skin:
– someone who isn’t easily offended;
– someone who doesn’t take things personally or feel hurt when another hurts you
– someone who doesn’t react to situations or people, but responds (meaning there’s choice in the response and not the other man’s echo)
– someone who chooses to honour another in all circumstances
– someone who is not afraid of criticism, because she knows that there’s always room for improvement in life anyways
– someone who is not afraid of other people, because she’s got xray goggles to see through the physical and social status
– someone who is bold and courageous to speak what needs to be said

big heart:
– welcomes all with her heart and into her heart
– serves with love and joy
– rejoices in the Spirit
– listens and empowers the other person
– sees with hope and dares to dream beyond the dire situation
– speaks life to herself and into others

“No, C is like a gingerbread man.
Emily is the baker.
She needs a co-baker.”

Bahahahaha.

Love my friendies….truth and humour.

“the breath of God”

The Wind blows where it pleases,

You hear its sound, but

You do not know where it’s coming from.

Entangled and entwined in human affairs,

In each fibre, in every atom, cell,

Molecule, every movement,

The being finds its existence in the soul.

The being finds itself in the wind,

In the substance of life,

Yet it succumbs to wilt…

Breathe! Breathe! Breathe, O God.

For I am dry and I am weary,

I don’t know how, nor when,

But You’ll come,

and I rise.

all my worship.

New Year. 2015.

New Year.

• meaningful friendships

• being faithful to what I’m called to doing: bring commitment and enthusiasm into each little task

• eye contact with people (without being awkward about it) 

Hello January (and December)

Hello January,

(not December) as I’ve clearly forgotten to finish off and publish the previous blog post. Hahah. Now that I read it again, I would say it’s partially true. Trials never really disappear, as it might’ve sounded like it did. It was true though, for the beginning part of December, it felt that many difficult things have been resolved. But nevertheless, trials never cease, because our growth is never over (until we reach Heaven). [insert Hallelujah]

The past month has been a special time. My dad came from HK to spend the holidays with us. It’s been really nice. Even though it’s not always easy to talk about deeper subjects as a family, but I always appreciate us being together physically as a family. I’m learning that I am an idealist and evaluate situations with what I really hope, lest I let it discourage me when that’s not quite the reality yet. But yea, we spent a lot of time together, exchanging Christmas presents and going out to eat very regularly. I almost felt like a young child who’s very dependent on her parents again,,,but I guess that’s always the tension when my dad comes to visit, because he’s only here for a short time once/ twice a year. My sis and my bro-in-law have also been such champs in making time to spend together too.

I was missing some of my really good buddies who were away during this season,,made me think about wanting to establish more traditions over the holidays. Next year, I wanna do the Polar Bear Swim on New Year’s Day, host a Christmas Day Brunch, and perhaps go out for a glam party on NYE too!

This past month, I’ve been really invested in my work and my students. It was really busy work-wise and church-wise leading up to Christmas. And I remember it was December 23rd when I had the epiphany that I really haven’t done much Christmas-y stuff yet!! (only had half of my Christmas shopping done). I felt like I was gonna miss out on an opportunity to celebrate with them, so I went out to Michaels’ and found a cute ‘Build a Santa Claus” activity and prepared it for the next day. It was perfect, because we’d just learned about different facial features. Honestly, it was really fun. They taped them on the board and took pictures together. We also planned an activity for Boxing Day, when most students skip (to go eat at Chipotle and bowling). I was really happy when most of my students came to class,,and loved it even more when one of my Saudi students looks at me with the warmest smile, ‘Teacher, thank you for,,,everything!”

Hello hello, last month of 2014! I’ve been wanting to write a special post to commemorate the last month of a really incredible year. Things haven’t been easy the past few months, especially with juggling teaching different levels. But with each obstacle comes a new and even greater breakthrough. I think it’s really true what James says, Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 

As soon as December hit, I felt like I’ve entered into a brand new thing. I felt the trials I’ve been wrestling with have ceased and that God’s telling me that He sees me as gold because I’ve stood the trial and did not succumb. I feel like God’s reminding me that I should be revelling in the victories of this past year and rejoicing in the ones He’s got ahead of me. Let not the trials bring you down, because He’s always given us a way out.

a New Kind of Maturity

Sometimes when you’re doing all the right things, the end result may not be as you imagined.

I guess that’s the interesting thing about life: it’s never predictable, it’s never a formula. It’s never do this and then, and then you’ll get exactly what you want.There are definitely foundation truths we need to live by, but the funny thing is that the end result might not be what we want (even if your desire is a godly desire for that matter).

Perhaps this is a test of character.

Even though you do all the ‘right’ things, you’re left wondering, did I really do the right thing? How come the response I’m getting is this?

The result we get is not what we deem as desirable, but maybe it’s what we need for the refinement of our character. Maybe it’s for our process of perseverance. Whatever it is, I know there’s never anything that’s wasted in His Kingdom. He redeems all things. He gives us all good things. Doing the right thing might not always get you where you want, but there’s a deeper peace and joy in knowing that you can live in peace with God.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

This is the reason why I can see good in each and every situation. In any difficult circumstance, there’s always hope if we choose to see things from His perspective.

And let’s end off with a JLIN quote:

I think also something that I needed to learn was just because you pray and just because you give it up to God doesn’t mean that you’re gonna win, and doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily gonna have a great performance and all that, but I think there’s something special about playing the right way and having the right attitude even if you don’t necessarily win or have a successful career.

recorded in this song: